Friday, March 19, 2010


We have all read about different approaches to stress managment after divorce. It usually involves exercise, joining a support group, eating right, getting good quality sleep and the like. These are all important things to consider and incorporate into your routine after a divorce. But there is one aspect of emotional recovery after divorce that is not emphasized as much as these. I call it "restoring your inner light". If you are recently divorced and feel emotionally bankrupt your self esteem suffers, your physical self concept suffers and you generally feel unlovable and unattractive. If there is a lot of post-divorce conflict, you are likely to feel stressed out and frazzled. When you are stressed you are likely to be irritable and short of patience with your children and you may not be giving them the quality of time they deserve.

But, don't fret, because there is a solution that will help you not only to cope with post-divorce stress, it is one that will restore you emotionally. Since emotional self-confidence comes from within, it can be depleted during a divorce, and most importantly can be restored from within. Here are some suggestions that will help you restore your inner light and enhance your recovery.

*Meditation - If you have never done this, not to worry. There are many methods, but a very basic and effective one is simply sitting in a comfortable chair with eyes closed, breathing deeply and rythmically. Allow yourself to relax by not entertaining the thoughts that come into your mind - simply ignore them. This can be done by focusing on an imaginary point of light in your inner field of vision. Everything else will fall away as you do.
A good starting point is 15-20 minutes per day. The best time is in the evening when the house is still and the kids are asleep.

*Afirmations - Affirmations are positive, present-tense I-statements to be incorporated into meditation. Some examples: I am lovable and loving. I am a beautiful child of God. I am resilient and adaptable. I rise to the challenge of a new life. When you feel that you have sufficiently relaxed into meditation, begin repeating these slowly, one at a time. After a period of two weeks you should be feeling more confident about divorce recovery.

*Read inspirational books with a meditation for each day. This is a great way to keep yourself focused on emotional recovery; after two weeks of doing this you will begin to feel a growing sense of inner calm.

*Learn Tai Chi - There are some websites that give instructions on simple, basic forms that are easy to learn and practice. Once you have learned a basic form, practicing just 10 minutes a day can give you sense of your own "inner light". You can practice on your lunch break or in the rest room at work. Doing Tai Chi before meditation can enhance the depth of your experience.

*Get familiar with the Grief Process that comes with loss. Here is a brief summary:
Once you are familiar with each of these stages, take them into your meditation time and allow yourself to experience them. This will help you move through the grief process easier than if you let the feelings overwhelm you.

Emotional recovery after divorce starts within, and your sense of confidence and inner peace can be restored much sooner after divorce than using the usual physical stress management approaches. Emotional recovery will come about from the solitude of your emotional self-care. You have the power to makes things better in your life.

Watch for my upcoming classes on WizIQ. If you can't afford them I can help you with arrangements for taking them.

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