Friday, July 2, 2010

Divorced Men and Financial Problems


Quite often when recently divorced men find themselves having problems paying rent or mortgage, utilities, support and buying food it can exacerbate the emotional problems of divorce. When divorced men who are ordered to pay child support are unemployed and having a tough time they may feel depressed, suicidal and helpless. They may not be as aware of women are about food stamp benefits or assistance paying rent or mortgage payments.

If you are a divorced man having these problems, check with your mortgage lender if you own a home. If not, check with a community services agency in your county for help with rent and food assistance. Many men are too proud to ask for help but they don't need to be. Tough times are tough times - period. You can also petition the court for a reduction in child support. This is not always a guarantee, but it doesn't hurt to help.

Divorced men are not as likely as women to reach out for social help, but it is important they recognize that they are going through a grief process that involves sadness, anger and depression. It will help if you talk to other divorced men about how they are coping. If you have no friends who are divorced, consider joining a divorce support group. You will find other men there who are dealing with the same feelings and circumstances of divorce, and their support and advice will make it easier for you to get through the tough emotional and financial times of divorce.

Our society is not very supportive of men and anger. We condition little boys to "be a little man", fathers call their boys "little men" which discourages them from expressing anger. Is it any wonder then that men often do not deal well with the anger they are experiencing after divorce. If men can recognize that and allow themselves to feel angry when it comes up, they will be doing themselves and their children a favor. They will also be less likely to spout off in anger at their ex wives.

The financial problems they have after divorce can add to the anger, and quite often can cause depression, which is understandable when a person feels helpless to solve a problem. If more men understood the emotions that come with divorce they would give themselves permission to experience them, and would also understand that they are temporary and can occur off and on for a year, they would be better able to cope with the financial problems after divorce.

Let's do a review of the grief process in stages:

*Denial: a feeling of unreality, shock and numbness.

*Sadness:feeling down,uninterested in things that are important to you, or that you need to do.

*Anger: this often involves feelings of blaming yourself or your ex for the things that led to divorce.

*Bargaining: you may bargain with yourself that you can turn things around and avoid divorce.

*Acceptance: at this stage of grief you have finally realized that it is not going to go away.

Financial problems can increase the tendency towards angry feelings - anger at your spouse, anger at the situation. They can also increase the feelings of despondency about financial obligations. The most important thing you can do is to get support for yourself from friends, family and other divorced men. Support will help you get through the grief process and be a better father to your children.

See my "divorce ezine" at the top right side of the page, and sign up for my free divorce newsletter. Doing that will get you a free copy of my book.

1 comment:

  1. A Positive Divorce Recovery Book for Your Clients and Contacts
    I know that you may prefer your own materials for your website here, but if it is OK for me to pitch my book here too, I would really appreciate a chance here, and THANKS for that!
    Once you help settle the legal and financial parts of your clients’ divorce or separation, perhaps you can give them some good support with their recovery too by giving them a copy of my book and a way to make a happier and more enjoyable rest of life.
    I can offer you affiliate sales through my website and Pay Pal account and can return an extra discount to you and your members in addition to my own website offer below.
    I have just published a book on divorce recovery called "Yes, There Is an Upside of Divorce, It Can Be Your Second Chance at Life!" You can search "upside of divorce" on Amazon and read the great reviews I have there. One of my top 5-Star ratings is from Tracy, who is the owner of a national web support group called Woman’s Divorce (com), and has used parts of my chapters for her members going through divorce.
    I am hoping you may want to buy a copy or two to provide some good help and support to your divorced clients or other professionals you may know and use in your practice.
    My book has a positive approach to divorce recovery and about how to make a happier and more enjoyable life after divorce. This would be a great gift and help to your clients suffering through their divorce.
    Book Discounts are available on my own website, Self-Help-Products-and-Services (com) where you can save $4 to $7 off Amazon’s costs per book.
    My book’s ISBN is 978-1-4196-9304-5. If you want, I also would have a workbook version that could be used for support groups. Thanks for your consideration here.
    Brian Daniel
    Email: or