SPIRITUAL DIVORCE RECOVERY

If you are recently divorced, you are facing many challenges, even if the divorce was your idea. You have the financial adjustment, adjustment to single parenting, possible conflicts with your former spouse, helping your children adjust to the visitation schedule, and the list goes on. If you are not a religious person, what source of strength do you draw from during those challenges ? The answer may be something you have not considered before.

Spirituality and religion are two different things. Religion is a belief in something greater than you, outside yourself. Spirituality is a belief in a power within you. The most common concept of God is a transcendent power up there in the heavens. However, there is another belief system about God. God as immanent, as a power within you is a concept that many people have not been exposed to. Prior to my divorce, I was not a religious person, but I did believe in God although I never was a part of any church.

After the divorce a friend shared with me about a spiritual organization she had discovered that had very different beliefs. As I learned more about spirituality I gained new coping skills that were vital to my divorce recovery, which was mostly centered around financial challenges, visitation challenges, and the additional challenges of being a single parent while going to college full time.

I learned about God as a source of inner strength to draw from. I learned about a different approach to prayer that was not asking and beseeching God for help. It was called affirmative prayer. The true power of affirmative prayer lies in the concept that because we are one with God, can affirm the truth that can bring about positive changes in our lives through claiming what we want for ourselves. Affirmations are the foundation of this type of prayer. A good example of affirmative prayer is: God is my source for all that I need, or, I am free from limiting beliefs, and with God all things are possible.

By shifting the source of power to God immanent (that is, within you) rather than God out there, we can begin to recognize ourselves as creations of God. We can also begin to recognize that we are powerful spiritual beings and as such we are the master of our lives. This can be a tremendous source of coping skills for divorce recovery. Whatever challenges we face we can learn to turn within as a source to draw from. A good way to do this is through meditation. There are many, many methods of meditation and no one right way.

The best way to start is to sit in a comfortable, quiet place and with your eyes closed, begin deep breathing.You will feel yourself relaxing and your attention moving away from your surroundings. As you do, imagine a soft light in the center of your field of vision. Imagine it growing until it fills your upper body.

Now, imagine this light to be God's love. After about two weeks you will begin to recognize a source of power you can on call for any challenges you are going through. After you have spent about two weeks doing that, learn to write your own affirmations that you can take into meditation. The most important thing about this approach is that you will begin to FEEL the power of God within you.

We are now ready to begin learning affirmations. The following is a list that I have compiled for those facing the challenge of divorce:

*I am lovable, attractive and intelligent

*I am desirable by the opposite sex

*I have a lot to offer in relationships

* I am competent and confident about my ability to manage financially

*I am a capable, loving parent

*I am attuned to the emotional needs of my children, and I am there for them always

*My ex-spouse is a child of God and capable of change

*I am calm and poised in the face of conflict with my ex-spouse

The most important component of affirmations is stating what you want or need to happen in present-tense, positive terms. They are effective in bringing about the changes you want because you are drawing on the power of God within you as a spiritual being. Using this approach to divorce recovery can give you a tremendous advantage in brining about positive change if you are open to using it, and it can facilitate your recovery from divorce, possibly much sooner than not having an awareness of yourself as a spiritual being.